PMS: Cranky Days.

PMS: People Makes me Sick.

Long time no post... What? It's just been... uh... 4 days?

So anyway... Yesterday, me and my family went to Mid Valley, The Gardens. Just to get my art materials. I wanted to restock my masking fluid since I've been using it alot lately fro my artworks. My mum doesn't seem to happy about it, it's almost like she'd much rather stay at home.

Well, because of her cranky mood lately, I get pissed off easier than usual. It's not that I'm always pissed off at something but I get pissed off at almost everything especially when talking to my Art teacher and my mum. They don't understand what I'm trying to say. Like, in the middle of me, yelling at them what I meant before they go accusing me, halfway, they would stop me and ask: Wait! What is that? What is adamant?

That' when I burst. Go search the dictionary later! Why, this people never learn is that they always ask me what word this and that was.

And they just happen to be the hugest hypocrite ever. For an example:

1. Alien, my art teacher, chided me for not exploring enough on arts. (Padahal, i know how to pronounce masking fluid better than him.) He says that I lack information about Arts (Padahal, once again, I know the differences of Kolinsky Sable and Sable brushes and he doesn't) and he said that I am not going to improve if I don't learn by myself.

But when I chided him about the same thing, well, about him not wanting to learn English for his own sake, he's just the same. And I argued while painting with him for about... 30 minutes before I won the debate. Of course, I won. He doesn't understand a word I said.

2. When I go for Kimmy's class, I used to paint badly because my good mood got taken away when he blast the radio of chinese love songs (which I despised) and when he wouldn't stop talling me what to do every 5 minutes. When he complained it to Alien about how I do better in Alien's class than his, Alien said "No mood, so paint no nice loh..." And I agreed with him. Not knowing he's about to be a hypocrite again.

One day during his class, he accused me of being sensitive because he said something about my being undersestimating people who I think are retards (my siblings) which is so not true. He suggested that my bros take Graphic classes. I told him that they will not be able to catch up. He says I'm underestimating them. I said, I am not underestimating them. I'm trying not to overestimate them. Because I know my bros better than he does.

He is too confident in his teaching skills. He syas that in 3 months my bro will be better than me in graphics. I said, if you are so confident in your teaching skills then why until now, they could not exceed in their painting? He seems offended by it and then that's when he says I'm sensitive and overreacting. Of course I'm pissed. I'm pissed that he didn't understand a word I said, I'm pissed that he pretends to know my bros better than I do, I'm pissed that he accused me of being sensitive because I am not. I am, what people classified me as tactless and insensitive.

Then my mood is cranky the whole day. I refused to talk to him. I painted badly. Then he came over to me and ask why i painted badly and i said, "No mood" and you know what he said? "That's a stupid excuse. If you no mood to paint then you also no mood to go Japan and study. You will fail at everything you do"

No, kidding. What a hypocrite. I can paint better if I learn by myself. To be honest, I painted better when I learned by myself. I painted greatly (I think) when nobody is there to tell me what to do. I painted nicer when I am NOT in class. So, recently I've been pretty freakin' pissed.

Which I glared at the promoter guy in the Art Shop yesterday when I was looking at masking fluid and he nonchalantly said that they ran out of stock as if I disturbed him or something.

And then, seeing me buying art stuff, my siblings followed. Even though they do not know anything about quality of art materials and bought it just for fun despite the price... I pretty much shoved them when i was walking as i got the chance to. They didn't seem to notice though.

Over-rated people, Over-rated Country

I woke up late today just to finds that my house is EMPTY. My mum probably went out with my aunt to watch IP Man, which really pisses me off since I told her incessantly that I wanted to watch the movie. While the rest of my family is probably working. My siblings more to playing than working, really.

I find that whoever rates the movies coming in the cinemas really have nothing to do lately, or they might have just too much time left at their own will. Movies is coming out rated, everywhere I go or whatever I wanted to watch is like, 18++.

Even harmless ghost movies that probably wouldn't even scare an infant. Not only I have to be born on the last month of the year, I have to be freakin' petite. Which means, even if I said I'm 18 enough to watch a certain movie, the guys gonna have to check my IC before he could let me in. Because I don't look 18! I swear, one day when I'm 18 enough to watch a movie and the guy letting people in is still asking for my IC, I'll stuff that pen pinned on his shirt up his ass, as far as his colon will go.

Okay, I'm born in 1991 DECEMBER. I know that! You don't have to remind me that I have to wait for another 11 months or whatsoever. What really makes me unhappy is that even horror movies not close to giving people heart attacks are rated. I can't watch action movies which are often rated for its violence, I can't watch horror movies which are rated for its innocuous scenes.

They don't even show SAW here. The only way I can watch that movie is by buying pirated versions of it. Because I so badly want to watch it, too bad they don't even sell the originals at Speedy. Which sucked big time.

And it must be just me. Most people I know wouldn't even want to feel committed watching horror movies. Sad. Malaysians are so sad! And not only that! They say people like me, who loves horror movies, are bound to take a step into the darkness and get involved with a drug gang or some kind of cult. FYI, people. Just because I happen to like the colour black and red and wears them all the time doesn't mean I'm involved with a cult.

And just because I adore Marilyn Manson and his songs doesn't mean I'm bad and became an atheist. Nuff' said. People who don't watch horror movies or are not addicted to them as I am, tend to get scared and die of heart attack faster. Like some poeple I know who almost crapped in their bed just because she thinks some boogieman is hiding in the toilet.

And when I show my horror mood, some people even said that I look like I want to kill someone. Heck, I don't even want to terrorize this country because its so pathetic. Don't get me wrong. I love this country as much as I hate the people governing it.. They're not doing a very good job.

I love this country only because I love sambal and anything spicy and because my friends are here. Why I hate people governing or at least try to look like they're doing something towards this country?

Remember our Moral textbooks says that we should not be racists and love each other no matter what race we are? While we are doing that in school, being best friends with people not of our race, their just not doing it. By looking at the news about BN, MCA and MIC and the things they say, things they argue, makes me laugh to no end.

It's seriously funny but it makes you think: These are the people we let taking care of this country?!

Not that I care... I'm not really interested in politics like my parents would be. I'm just gonna be me. This country can leave me alone.

Holiday Boredom

Ugh. There's like, 2 more weeks of holidays for my younger siblings. Lucky them. While all they have to do is wait for school to reopen, I have to struggle to look for a job during the holidays and also finish the procedures of my going to Japan and study.


The paperworks are simply a headache itself. Other than that, I've just been sitting at home doing nothing. Painting if I found something to paint and reading most of the times. I'm getting sick of staying at home and so wanted to go out and hang around my peeps.


Only thing is that, they're not always free and I don't want to trouble my mum so much by asking her to drive me back and forth the shopping malls. I so wanted to learn how to drive, but the thought makes me nervous. I'm procrastinating but what the hell...

I guess I'll post a painting I randomly did today.



Sometimes, I'll go online and watch Naruto Shippuden but they're not really going that any faster. The part where Asuma died, just get over it. And I don't really like the way the manga is heading either. It seems like Pein is getting the advantages. It's like everything is coming to an end. But then again, we all know there's probably still a long way to go.

Well, we don't really know who exactly Pein is, what exactly is Zetsu's abilities other than merging with nature and some other minor tributes... Even though I seriously wanted to see Danzo and the Konoha's two old people (forgot their names) get their heads ripped off by Sasuke but I really wanted to kick his ass for wanting to destroy Konoha as well.

I just recently went and check online the Akatsuki's profile and heck, Deidara's got the same birthday as Charlie which is the 5th of May. He was damn proud of it and started following Deidara's way of talking by adding the 'un' prefix.

Well, I really don't have a specific subject for this post but just because Fishie posted something about Sagittarians and I recently had the same topic with my mum just yesterday.

SAGITTARIANS

> possess a natural exuberance, sense of adventure and love of life that makes them one of the most optimistic zodiac signs of all.

I'd like to rebuke Fishie for this point. She mentioned in her http://fishiebubble.blogspot.com/ blog, that most sagittarians she knew are definitely not optimistic. Which of course, one of them being me. True, I'm not the most optimistic person in the whole wide world. But I AM optimistic. I don't like to see the bad side of things, that would made my way of thinking narrow and close up the possibilities of any solutions that I can come up with in a dire situation.

Being optimistic is thinking positively. My dictionary had defined an optimist to think that a glass of water is half-full rather than half-empty. I don't blame Fishie for saying I'm not optimistic, many people thinks I'm a pessimist. But what I think is, my way of thinking positively is thinking something that will benefit me in some situations.

For some people, watching the heroine about to get killed in a movie is like a taboo to them. While they are fairly being convinced that she will not die, I don't know, maybe they think that the director can't kill off his main character, I would think that she would. And this is how people come up with me being a pessimist. But I am just merely being an optimist because if she dies, I get to see the gore of her dying. Which is good for me. It pleasures me to no end. Not that I hate her or anything but I wouldn't let an apportunity to see gory stuff just go past me.

So what, I'm trying to say is. I am being an optimist. But only for myself. I know that's purely selfish. But if you're me, if you feel what I feel while watching horror movies, if you have the same fetish as I do, I'm sure you would've think the same way I do. Sadly enough, I know and acknowledge the fact that very little people think the same way I do. Might as well grow up a freak. Not that I minded.

> renowned for aiming their sights towards whatever it is they find alluring: a love partner, dream job, vacation - and making it their own.

True. For me, at least. Though I doubt I will try too hard to get a love partner since I still have no interests in dating, yet. I'm currently chasing after my dream job. If I want to make a vacation fun and extreme, I will do my best to alter it. All I have to do is to envision it. After that, I'll thrive on that vision, aiming to reach the ideal image. And nothing can stop me from doing it.

> Believe that anything is possible.

Well, thanks to my wild imaginations. I do want to believe the existence of the supernaturals: ghosts, etc. But I can't, until I experience it. Other than that, I try to believe anything is possible, but keep tabs of the reality as well.

> Sagittarians are hard to tie down, they are happiest on the move - exploring new cultures and ideas.

I must agree with this. I hate to be limited in things that I do. I like to let my imaginations go as far as they can when creating art pieces, and I use up to a variety of materials too which is doing no good to my pocket money... ah well. /nobigdeal

I like exploring new cultures. I'm too curious for my own good. I have to know what everything is if it attracted my attention. Like Japan. I have explored its culture, not all, but most of them. Good and bad ones - well, a country can't be perfect in all ways but at least Japan is better than my own country in many ways.

> Attracted to occupations realated to travel, meadia, outdoor work and philosophical pursuits.

If my intentions of going to Japan and study is not clear enough to prove this point, I don't know what will.

> Intelectually and spiritually advanced.

Really? I had no idea. I don't know if it applies to me because I can be such a block head at times.

> Notorious for their lack of tact

I probably have many enemies because of my tactlessness. But all my friends seems to be ignorant enough to notice it and took no heed of my all-out honest criticism. But really, I admit this is true. Sometimes I just speak without thinking, not realizing that the TRUTH might hurt someone's feelings.

Sorry for those who had to suffer my lack of sensitivity.

> In love, their catch cry is "don't fence me in". But once they find a partner who understands their need to retain their own sense of self and identity, Sagittarians can be the most big-hearted, generous and fun-loving companions of all.

Maybe that's why I don't like to be in a relationship. I have problems of being committed in love. If I had a boyfriend, he would have to understand that I have to spend some times with my friends too, he would have to understand that sometimes I wanted to be left alone especially when I need to think.

I trust very little people or none at all. All I know is that I don't trust someone fully. Call me paranoid, whatever. But its a habit of being cautious. About this point, sometimes being in a relationship can be rather difficult. The guy must be innovative enough to keep me busy, because I get bored really fast. And I don't like to stay in one place for long. And he would have to give me a little space and not get jealous over why I spend much more time on my friends than him.

You might think only the guy is doing everything while I sit back and enjoy, then you're wrong. If the guy keeps me sated by being what I want him to be such as giving me freedom, honest, loving, fun... etc. I will repay back by making things fun for him as well. Once I feel happy, I will try to make people around me happy especially the 'him' who made me happy in the first place.

I'm not saying that I'm a very sanguine person though. Well, until I find the love of my life, I'll just be myself. Not that I mind. I still have a lot more things to explore!

Recurring Dreams

/hihi


Yes, dreams. Do you always have recurring dreams that seems to bother you in the middle of the night? Doesn't it feel a little weird when you have recurring dreams? Like they have something to tell that you just don't quite get it yet.

Well. I have. Let's go through this one by one, okay?

First, I'll share this bit of information I got by surfing through the net about dreams.

When you dream, your body is very active, even though you are not sleeping. Your blood circulation flows faster and the rate of your heartbeat increase, and this is why some older people die in their sleep. Especially who have heart problems. Scary, huh?

When you dream, you toss and turn. If not, there is one sure way to tell if you're dreaming. It is by REM. REM is short for Rapid Eye Movement. Your eyes may be still closed, but your eyeballs moves around rapidly when you sleep. And if you snore, you're not dreaming. I don't know how they come up with 'if you snore, then you can't be dreaming' theory but let's just leave it at that or else this post is going to end up being a 2000 words essay.

Okay. I always ALWAYS have recurring dreams about toilets, amusement park, zombies, having sexual intercourse (NC-17) and anime characters. Let's see why. Maybe you have the same dreams as I do, so let's explore. Though these interpretions may not be very accurate but at least it gives us some clues.

Toilet

To see a toilet in your dream, symbolizes a release of emotions or getting rid of something in your life that is useless. The dream may also be brought about by your full bladder and is attempting to get you up and go to the bathroom. If you are cleaning the toilet, then it means that you are starting to shed your shell or lose your inhibitions.

Okay. I always dream about toilets. But I don't use them, half the time I'm just there and I don't really know why I am. There is one or two times when yes, my bladder is full and I forgot to go to the toilet before I sleep and I woke up just in time to rush into it, luckily. If not, I could've wetten my bed. And that'll be completely mortifying seeing as I'm already 17. The rest just don't make sense to me. Releasing emotions? I have very little emotions to start with. Not that I'm emotionless or something. It's just that, I feel very little for things.

One because I've never been in love before, with a real guy I mean. So there's nothing there. Unless you count that I'm irrevocably in love with Uchiha Itachi, who just died in the manga. Second, I used to hate my bros and sis. But now, I don't know. I feel tired of hating so... They're just annoying to me. Aren't all siblings like that? I just don't feel anything towards them. Honest. You could say that, c'mon, I've live under the same roof with them my whole life, at least a little siblings love? But, none of that kind of emotion is in me.

Of course, if they were to be in danger, I would save them. As a role of an elder sister. Can't say it was out of love though. I just can't seem to grasp that feeling no matter how hard I try to.

Okay, fine. Maybe, I'm just a little bit unfeeling. My only passion goes to Art, Gory stuff and techologies. I don't like feeling sad so I don't try to. I get angry but it fades away fast like it comes.

Amusement Park

To see or be in an amusement park in your dream, indicates that you need to set some time for leisure and more enjoyment in your life. Consider how everything in the park is an expression of some aspect of yourself.? Alternatively, you may be too easily distracted lately.

Most amusement parks in my dreams are overly crowded, which makes it hard to maneuver around but I always seems to be pulled by someone, or something to take a ride or play a stall game. And I always can't remember who that is or what that was.

And in most of my a.park dreams, they have weird extreme rides with no seat belts or any buckles whatsoever. So you just need to hold on tight or else you will fall off or fly about two miles away. Like a roller coaster that has a trail that ended halfway in the air, a ride that turns 360degrees and leaves you grabbing only a pole while it flings you around. Or a merry-go-round/ carousel that doesn't wait for its passengers to get seaten and turns ways too fast, when all the people flew of and you can hear bones cracking and people screaming while still holding on trying not to puke because of the dizziness.

It said, everything in the park is an expression of some aspect of myself. I think I can relate to that somehow. NOT. It's crowd is too much. I hate crowds. The place is filthy, I hate filthy places. It's crampy, and I don't like to get wedged up between people. The only thing that could most probably resemble to me is the zombies. Yes, the crowd was no god damn human beings. They're all zombies, and I'm playing with them. In a haunted house, the zombies are getting scared by human beings. In stalls, zombie are trying to dunk that poor guy all tied and gagged sitting obove a pool of water (which the zombie tried and tried to dunk but failed and his arm fell into the water instead). Maybe, after school and everything... away from friends and classmates... I sort of died a little inside. Like a zombie. Completely lifeless inside.

Argh! Makes me want to go to Japan ASAP.

/omg

The dreaded dream to tell. Sexual intercourse. You can think this is mortifying but actually I know it as a fact that both girls and boys have these wet dreams when they reaches puberty. But still, having it as a recurring dream... Well, I don't have it as much as I have dreams about a.park and zombies and toilets but it's, you know disturbing.

I just woke up one day feeling totally aroused and don't know what to do with it. It goes away soon though because I felt tired all of sudden and plop back to sleep. Dreamless.

Interpretion NUMBER ONE:

To dream about sex, may be your libido's way of telling you that it's been too long since you have had sex. It may indicate repressed sexual desires and your needs for physical and emotional love. To see your parents having sex in your dream, indicates that you are seeing similar aspects between their relationship and your current relationship. Most of us cringe at the thought of our parents having sex, so this dream imagery is really trying to get your attention. Consider your parents' real life relationship together and what you can learn from it.

I'm underaged! WTF. But anyways... Me? Crave for sex? Not yet. I get pervert-ish thoughts once in a while but it never really arouses me enough to feel like doing it. I was too easily distracted anyways. One moment, I might be thinking about it, the other moment I was too busy imagining Freddy Krueger chopping off my bros head for being an idiot of the higher level. Maybe it was my parents? Never heard or notice anything that they are doing it. Yeah, that's it. It's maybe them. NOT FAIR! How is their SEX problem MY problem?! Ugh! It's not like I'm stopping them from doing it or whatever...

Interpretion NUMBER TWO:

To dream about sex with someone other than your spouse or significant other, suggests dissatisfaction with the physical side of your relationship. On the other hand, it may be harmless fantasy. In such situations, you may find that you are less inhibited sexually and you can even bring that sense of adventure to your existing relationship. If you dream you are having sex with a celebrity, then it indicates your drive to be successful. Consider what movies your associate this celebrity with for clues as to where and what you want to achieve success in.

I never dreamt that I was doing it with a celebrity. Because there is just none that would drive me enough to fantasize about doing it with them. I mean, Jason Statham and Keanu Reeve is hot but just... I can't imagine it. I seldom fantasize about those stuff. The wet dreams I have... Sometimes I don't even know who the guy is, sometimes he was an anime character, which I have no idea why because I don't fantasize about them as much as I fantasize about gut-spilling movies. And of course, I still wake up sweating like hell. Very disturbing dreams. And I can't even feel ANYTHING because it's a dream. Can only remember the touches and nothing else.

Interpretion NUMBER THREE: (there is more?! /shock)

To dream that you are having sex with an ex or something that is not your current mate, denotes your reservations about embarking in a new relationship or situation. You may feel nervous about exposing yourself or currently feel a resurgence of those old emotions and feelings that you felt back when you and your ex were together.?Believe it or not, it is not uncommon for people approaching their wedding to experience especially erotic adventures with partners other than their intended spouses. This may be due to the intensity of your sexual passion with your fiance It also relates to the new roles that you will be taking on and the uncertainty that that may bring.

.... Completely irrelevant to the ones I have. SKIP.

Interpretion NUMBER FOUR: v> this is counted as well...

To dream that you are homosexual (but you are not in your waking life), represents a union with aspects of yourself. It is symbolic of self-love, self-acceptance, and compassion. If, in your dream, you are not comfortable with homosexuality, then it suggests some fears/anxieties about your masculinity (if you are male) and femininity (if you are female).You may be experiencing some insecurity in your relations with the opposite sex.

Yes. I did dream about me doing it with another girl. But the thing is, when i was doing it with another girl, I realize that it was not my body. But another person's body. And he's a guy. And somehow in that dream, that guy's body is very aroused. But I seem to be doing his job, entertaining that girl I don't even know. /blur

So, anyway... Of course I don't feel comfortable. I'm perfectly straight and no sexual affection has been felt towards females. If it meant insecurity towards opposite sex in reality... I really don't know if I should post this... I do feel insecure and a little paranoia about bathing after somebody peeped at me bathing and that somebody I suspected to be my own brother. That's why I chose to either bath very early in the morning or very late at night. Because at the time I was bathing, I thought it was weird. Why was the door keep moving? I opened just a little in a swift sudden movement and saw a figure who looks so much like my freakin brothers outside running away from the bathroom. If he wasn't peeping, why would he run away? Then only I realized there is like this big about 2cm wide hole at the door. I got mad, what else. I stuck the bubblegum i was chewing at that hole.

I guess one of my bro, I don't know which one since I only got his back (I have twins bros) got scared and got caught red-handed (or in this case, red-eyed), the hole never reopened. But I'm still paranoia about it. This habit of bathing still continues till now. But if I catch them doing it again, they're going to be missing some vital male organs.

Phew. That was long. Hope it's not 2000 words.

/bye for now

Paws Salute and Ass Talk

/sweat

Yes, due to out of boredomness at home. I was finally able to drag myself to the computer to make a blog. Part of it was because another fella blogger, Fishie, is well, blogging too. And that fella being my best friend. And I only think it's fair that she gets to read my blog too.

This blog is probably going to be uneventful until I goes to Japan where anything can happen. Hopefully the good stuff.

Yesterday, I went for my Art class like, 15 minutes early. Clearly, the class is empty except for my overweight teacher, nicknamed Alien, who sat on his desk fooling around with his Macbook. He stared at me as if I'm crazy and asked me why I had arrived so early. I ignored him as usual and he just shook his head and started a pretty random conversation.

Among all other topics we could converse in, he have to talk about asses. Don't even ask me how it started. It's like, all of a sudden he goes: "Do my butt look bigger than Kimmy's?"

Kimmy is another teacher in my art class who is also a little chubby. Since Alien is shorter, so he looks fatter to me. I nodded nonchalantly and he just swerved the topic around me.

Alien: You know... It really makes me wonder. How come you don't often see fat Japanese girls? They all either look thin or normal or just slightly rounded but not fat like those Ah Soh and Indian aunties you see in Pasar Malam.

Me: Because... they exercise? Do you know that the amount of pedestrians in Japan is much more higher than in Malaysia? Most Japanese walk to train stations and take trains.

Alien:....I wonder how Sumo people get that fat... (changing subtopic again)

Me: They eat a large serving of Sukiyaki and sleep right after that to put on weight.

Alien: How come you know that? You stalk them?

Me: ... I'm not you.

Alien: I can almost imagine you marrying a Sumo guy.

Me: That will not happen even if I die and reincarnated a hundred times.

Alien: You can't say for sure. Maybe you'll grow really fat in years to come and become interested in guys with big butts.

Me: What makes you so sure I'm gonna get big butts in a few years to come. That's more likely to be you.

Alien: C'mon. It'll be so much fun. The Sumo guy can lift you up with one hand! Give you a free 'Aeroplane Ride'

"My so-called aeroplane ride"

Me:... You are so.... Immature for a guy reaching his early forties.

And he kept on going about how big butts guy can keep you warm during winter, it was like talking about himself actually. The randomly conjured up topic went on for about 20 minutes, where the most part of it, he was talking to himself since I don't want to get involved with his perverted fantasies.

He totally annoyed me with his endless ass talk and it got even worse when one of my artmate showed up.

Alien: So, do you prefer guys with big butts or small butts?

Washy (nicknamed, he's a guy btw): ... I prefer girls.